Less (and better) experience on screens
Jonathan Haidt’s new book, The Anxious Generation, has specific recommendations for how parents, schools and communities can turn the tide for today’s youth mental health crisis. I hope you buy the book and read all of his suggestions. Even if your family doesn’t feel like all of his recommendations will work for you, he has tons of data to back him up, so there’s something for everyone to learn or contemplate.
He has recs for 0-5 and 13-18, but I thought I’d begin by sharing the 6-12 recs.
For 6-12 year olds: As a general rule, no more than two hours per day is recommended for screen-based recreational activities. However this depends on the content (social media, video games, chats, TV and so forth), the context (time of day, multitasking and so on), and the young person’s individual traits (age, physical and mental health, analytical skills, critical thinking and so on). Parental supervision must therefore be based on these criteria. For younger children especially, the content should be educational, and the devices should be used in common areas, where adults can control the content, rather than in children’s bedrooms.
Learn how to use parental controls and content filters on all the digital devices in your home. And if it makes sense for your family, set a total amount of time for recreational screen use.
Focus more on maximizing in person activity and sleep than on total screen hours.
Provide clear structure to the day and the week. Shared meals should be phone-free and having a regular family movie night would be good. All devices should be removed from bedrooms by a fixed time, which should be at least 30 minutes before the scheduled bedtime. Consider taking a ‘digital Sabbath’ every week: a full day where no screen devices are used. Consider taking a screen-free week every year, perhaps on a vacation in a beautiful natural setting.
Look for signs of addiction or problematic use. Pornography, social media and video games are the three categories of activity most likely to lead to problematic use among adolescents. Here’s how to know if it has crossed over into problematic use: It interferes with their daily routines and commitments, they experience strong cravings, they lie or use deceptive behavior to access it, they often choose it over in-person social interactions, it prevents them from getting at least 8 hours of sleep, it prevents them from engaging in regular physical activity, they keep using even when they express a desire to stop. If your children show one or more of these signs, you should talk to them and consider a detox.
Delay the opening of social media accounts until 16. (In analyzing two large British data sets, researchers found that for girls, the worst years for using social media are 11 to 13, for boys it is 14 to 15. It’s important to remember, the more time a girl spends on social media, the more likely she is to be depressed. Period.) This doesn’t mean they can never see any content from these sites: as long as they can get to a web browser they’ll get to the platforms. But there’s a difference between viewing TikTok videos on a browser and opening an account on TikTok, which you reach via the app on your smartphone during every spare moment. Delay that step until well into high school. (and this is Julie talking here, feel free to delay until 18.)
Talk with your preteen about the risks and listen to their thoughts. Even without a social media account, all children will encounter age-inappropriate content online. Exposure to pornography is virtually certain. Talk with your preteens about the risks inherent in posting public content or sharing personal information online, including sexting and cyberbullying. Ask them what problems they see in their peers’ online habits and ask them how they think they can avoid such problems themselves.
Jonathan recommends 1) No smartphone until (at least) high school. 2) No social media until (at least) 16. 3) No phones in schools and 4) More independence and responsibility for kids and teens. As a parent, I commit to do my part and delay smartphones for my kids until (at least) high school. We will also delay social media until (at least) 16. I will continue to make choices with my kids to normalize more independence, responsibility and free-play. My hope is that your kids join mine out in the neighborhood.
I will also do everything I can to get phones out of our schools. I want our district to also consider how to handle smart-watches and chromebook usage, which we all know is problematic at times. More to come on how you can help with this advocacy.