Let them grow

One of the benefits of technology is the endless entertainment it can provide to our kids so that we can get shit done. Let’s be real, we all need to finish up emails or prep for dinner without distraction at times, and if our kids are not captivated by screens, their needs can become overwhelming. They need to move, to socialize, to be wild, to dig, to throw, to turn upside down, to play.

With endless entertainment at our fingertips, you’d think we’d be happier, but the opposite is more true. Two theories explaining the drastic decline of teen mental health since 2012 are 1) the reduction in face-to-face time with peers and 2) their lack of independence. “Helicopter parenting” is the rule, not the exception. Parents often feel safer with their kids being at home, even if they’re online, than out in the world. Unfortunately, this provides a false sense of security: kids who spend a lot of time at home on screens are more prone to a host of mental and physical health problems, including anxiety and obesity. Helicopter parenting has resulted in a shift so drastic that we now think a 13 year-old needs a babysitter, when just over a decade ago, a 13 year-old was the babysitter.

Contrary to common perception, crime rates are actually much lower than they were in the 80’s and 90’s. Do you remember being dropped off at the mall and told to “come home when the street-lights come on”? Kids need some time when an adult isn’t there to help them. That’s when they improvise and realize how capable they are. In order to allow kids to grow, we need to face our discomfort and realize that keeping them home isn’t without risks.

I get that this is a tremendous shift in parenting, but as our kids head to middle school, they are ready for it. This shift has an added benefit of reducing kids’  anxiety. The organization ‘Let Grow’ has loads of data to support their programs for parents to begin this journey. They offer a free ‘independence kit’ to occupy kids time when they’re not in school, encouraging them to do new things, on their own. Some examples are, climb a tree, run an errand, prepare a meal. Let’s help them become self-starters!

If you’re looking for a book to support this data, check out ‘How to raise an Adult’ by Julie Lythcott-Haimes, former Dean freshman at Stanford University. Let’s step back and allow our kids to achieve that amazing feeling that can only come when they do something on their own. Please reach out and let me know how your kid blows your mind!