The Teenage Brain
If you know me, you know that I love my clients. I have found it impossible not to care deeply for the individuals that I spend so much time with in focused, intimate, authentic conversation. The time in the therapy room is sacred, as it lacks posturing, self-protection and comparison that so often plagues conversations in the ‘real world’, and especially the un-realistic world of social media. I always suggest clients decrease screen time, as it helps with self-confidence, focus and achieving one’s goals. About half of my clients are 16-25 and the other half are mid-life. The younger cohort tend to be hit harder by the consequences of continuous distraction, as they are trying to achieve so much in an extremely competitive environment and have less developed brains to self-regulate.
One young adult shared that she had been furious at her parents for making her wait until she was 16 to get a smart phone, but now wished they had waited longer. She sadly explained that her brain ‘doesn’t work the same way anymore’ that she couldn’t ‘daydream’ or ‘get lost’ in her thoughts. We talked extensively about how she can work to get her focus back, how she can put restrictions around her phone use, but at 19, or any age, these changes prove difficult.
I wish I could go back in time and meet with her parents. I want all parents to have access to the data I have spent the last two decades obsessing over. We should know that although teens are emotional, disorganized and impulsive, their brains are actually more powerful than at any other time in their lives. One example of this power is with learning; memories are easier to make and last longer when acquired in teen years. This may be why we remember the lyrics to the music from the 90’s but can’t remember what we had for lunch last Tuesday. There is solid data to show that this fact can impact one’s IQ for the positive. In fact, about a third of teens (13-17) accomplish significant increases in IQ during these years. Teens should know that this is a golden age for their brains!
Frances E. Jensen MD, author of The Teenage Brain (great read!) recommends we utilize this fact by keeping tabs on our teens as they do their homework and spend time on the computer. “The more on top of it you are, the fewer the temptations for your adolescents and the fewer the temptations, the more their brains will learn how to do without the constant distractions. Perhaps most important of all, set limits- with everything. This is what their overexuberant brains can’t do for themselves.” We need to work together with our teens to come up with a plan that works within our family system.
This is hard stuff. But let’s keep talking about it. What works, what doesn’t, what the experts say. Let me know your thoughts!